Not every Shamanic journey starts with a traditional “call”.
But I did hear a loud, strange whisper one day, many years ago. “You need a cauldron,” a mysterious guide seemed to whisper in my inner ear. At the time, I was not used to hearing out-of-the-blue instructions inside my head. Nevertheless, I paid attention. Even though I had no idea what to DO with a cauldron, much less how to explain my sudden need for one to my practice husband. Even though I had no idea where to find such an object. Even thought I thought I might be going a little insane. So, I did what anyone else did at the time when in need of something totally random.
I fired up eBay.
Typing v-i-n-t-a-g-e c-a-u-l-d-r-o-n into the search bar, I felt slightly sheepish. I had to give it a shot, though I wondered why anyone would post such a weird thing for sale online. But, you know what they say… There’s something for everyone. And someone’s in the market for that odd thing that “no one” would want. Including the exact vintage cauldron I was searching for.
It was from the 1860s. Cast Iron. Heavy as sin (with shipping charges to match). Two handles on the side with a generous pot belly propped up by three little legs. I felt tingling shivers shoot up my spine… Another unusual sensation in what had become a pretty “normal” life. Without further thought, I purchased it and it was on the way to me from across the country.
I anxiously awaited its arrival.
And also somewhat dreaded it… How was I going to explain this one?? I still hadn’t come up with a plan. Even though I was pretty independent, I knew my then-husband would be a little concerned about why I’d spent a bunch of money on a rusty bowl. But I knew it was important. I had just recently re-opened my intuition and could FEEL the potency of this intuitive hit. See, around this same time, I was exploring spirituality, learning about chakras and soul contracts, working with a spiritual mentor (who, unfortunately later turned out to be a bad witch), and practicing meditation.
I began to experience rapid expansion of my spidey senses, a strange new gift was beginning to emerge (where I could feel and identify people’s animal relations), and my web searches grew to include terms like “Iyowaska” (I didn’t know how to spell Ayahuasca yet). Without being aware of what was happening, I now know that I was being initiated by Spirit into Shamanism.
My world was beginning to shake loose at the seams.
When the cauldron arrived, I dragged the heavy box into my house and tore it open. It felt like Christmas and my heart was racing for no apparent reason. As I pulled the heavy beast out, my scalp began to prickle. I better sage this thing. I cleansed the cauldron, and as I did so, a vision appeared and I received clear instructions on exactly how to do a burning ritual. First, whispered guidance, and then a full-blown instructional vision! This was not (yet) my normal… I was somewhat stunned.
But, I was compelled to keep following the guidance. It led me to entrepreneurship, by way of VERY expensive courses that I felt strongly enough about to fight for them with my practice husband. It led me to open my marriage, to journeying with psilocybin and accessing the dimension of time in a completely new-ancient-future way. It led me to Tigre, to leaving behind my entire life, to navigating an autism diagnosis with grace, to the life I’ve built and keep building now… A life RICH with meaning, magic, medicine, and mystery.
Hilariously, it all started to gain steam with that one crazy eBay purchase.
If you look at my life and read my story with hope, perhaps a little envy, and maybe some inspiration… Here’s what I want you to know:
When you hear a whisper, or a shout, or a scream deep from the belly of your soul self… Listen.
No matter how impossible the request. No matter how expensive the course. No matter how insane it makes you seem to those who will never quite understand you.
The only way I’ve moved from where I was (in a fine life that was perfect for many, but not for me) to where I am (in a beautiful life that feels like it is 100% MINE)… was to follow the intuitive YES.
It will not always be easy. Or smooth. Or fun. Or orgasmic. It will certainly not be logical, usually irrational, often confronting…
But, it will be WORTH IT.
It is the pursuit of my right life—without any guarantee of a reward—that has gifted me with all the magic I could ever ask for.
Do you have a “cauldron” right now? Something wild and crazy that’s calling out to you?
Whatcha gonna do about that?
I gathered the simple components for the burning ritual given to me, lugged the cauldron outside, and wrote out two lists. One list contained things I was ready to release, and the other, things I desired to call in. I lit the list of things to let go of, and it burned so fast that the ashen, wrinkled paper remained intact for a moment… resembling a gray rose with glowing orange petal edges. More chills.
I could feel that there was powerful magic taking place through me and in this cauldron. Next, I lit the list of desires and released them to the wind, trusting that—even if those exact wishes weren’t granted—I’d laid an energy signature for Source to follow. Perhaps I’d receive something that felt like what I wanted, even if it was in a completely different package.
With that one ritual, I changed the course of my life.
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