How To Deal With Regrets And Stop Beating Yourself Up
Feeling regret is a common human emotion. But there are good regrets and toxic regrets. Learn how to deal with regrets and stop beating yourself up.
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“I shouldn’t have done that!”
“Oh, if only I would have…”
“I was so stupid to do that!”
Do you have these kinds of negative thoughts each time you do something regrettable or make a ‘wrong’ decision?
As highly sensitive souls, we are prone to extreme perfectionism and self-criticism. While self-criticism can be a good thing in healthy doses by helping us achieve our goals and become better persons, constantly striving for perfection can set off a spiral of negative thoughts that will eventually lead to negative behaviors and self-sabotage.
Like anything else done in excess, self-criticism and perfectionism can make us stand in our own way to success and it can easily become a pattern of self-abuse and self-abandonment. Beating ourselves up each time we fall, each time we make a small mistake, and each time we make a wrong decision is certainly not healthy behavior
Do you go into spirals of “should have”, “would have”, “didn’t”, and shaming or judging yourself for decisions that were off track for you? Do you often fall into a shame spiral and then you feel ashamed you were in a shame spiral? Are you judging yourself because you have self-judgment? Are you familiar with this toxic cycle of self-sabotage that seems so hard to break?
Well, most highly sensitive souls and empaths know this story. Dealing with regrets can be very tricky for us, because we have this tendency of beating ourselves up and falling into toxic spirals, instead of taking responsibility for our mistake, learning our lesson, and moving on with the determination to do better next time.
Regrets are not necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary, never experiencing regret or guilt (if that is even possible without being a narcissist) will not help us become better persons after we do something wrong.
Feeling regrets is a common human emotion that should function like a guide and a teacher. But there are good regrets and bad regrets. Real ones and false ones. Useful ones and toxic ones.
Real, genuine regrets are designed to help us grow, to help us realign and learn from that experience. (And we all know that the most important lessons in life come in these kinds of moments when things don’t go as we wanted them to). As opposed to that, false regrets are very toxic and will always stay in our way to become better persons.
But how can we differentiate between these two types of regrets? And how do we deal with regrets without beating ourselves up, without falling into unhealthy spirals?
In this week’s episode Lola dives deep into what regrets really are and where they come from, what the meta shame spiral is and how can we pull ourselves out of it, and how to differentiate between real regrets and false reegrets. Plus, she reveals some efficient strategies to help you use regret as a teacher and some useful tips on how to make powerful decisions.